cheater cheater cheese eater

I'm cheating like nobody's business today.

I've been doing well for the last 2 days, but tonight is girl's night out with Crystal so I planned to cheat tonight anyway. Melting Pot!! It's going to be super delicious and super bad!

Not only was I planning on cheating today anyway, but it was Michael's birthday at the Massage School, and there was cake, and I mean, I love birthdays....so I had cake.

I think my stomach is unhappy with me already...oh well.

I guess I'll have to make my own birthday cake this year...

midnight snack

best midnight snack? gatorade and bacon!! thank god for bacon

more reviews, Rebecca's Natural Foods

My mom came by work with me when I went in, and then stopped by Rebecca's Natural Foods before she left town to get me some more stuff! I have like way too much food right now. Well I mean you can't have too much food I guess, I just hope none of it goes bad because I forget about it.

She said the man at Rebecca's was really nice and helpful. She got me some coconut milk that was in the refridgerated section, some dairy-free mac and cheese mix, dairy-free cheese, spinach pie, and dairy-free frozen pizzas.

So Delicious Coconut Milk, vanilla flavor (bought at Rebecca's)
A
This milk alternative is by far my favorite. I like the sweet flavor, and the very white color. (the dark color of soymilk and almond milk kind of freak me out/are unappetizing to look at). I expected is that it would be a little creamier, but I suppose the lightness of the milk is good for all-purpose use. I think I'm going to stick with this milk! My question now is, how long does it last - how do you know it's gone bad?

For dinner, I just had a...

Millet and Flax Spinach Pie made by Sami's Bakery (bought at Rebecca's)
A
I don't think I've ever had spinach without cheese, so I was worried, but it wasn't bad! In fact it was pretty good! The "bread" on the outside was tasty and soft. The spinach was tangy and tasty. I was thorougly happy with it and I would definitely eat it regularly. It reminds me of greek cooking. It's dairy-free and gluten-free. It was really easy - just pop it in the toaster oven to heat up. The only thing I don't know is how much it cost.

Then for dessert...

ZenSoy Chocolate Soy Pudding (bought at Kroger, at Barracks)
A+
This pudding is pretty much indestinguishable from regular chocolate pudding. Dairy-free and gluten-free. Bravo.

Voicemail

I got a voicemail from a doctor at the allergy clinic today, saying she had some questions for me since she looked at my bloodwork. Like that doesn't sound worrisome... She also seems to be gone for the day because I've called back twice, so I just have to wait until tomorrow to see what it is...ugh!

In other news, Luna bars rock!

Mom, new foods, reviews

My mom came in town tonight and we went shopping after I got out of choir tonight. We went to Target and Kroger. I have a lot more hope now that my mom bought me lots of food.

At Target, we got some more vitamins and calcium, which is good because I love them (I get Disney gummy vitamins and gummy calcium chews)

I also got a few packs of Luna bars, which I had completely forgotten about until Nancy mentioned them a few days ago. I highly reccomend them - they are vegan, good for you, pretty good-tasting, and filling.

Then at Kroger we went wild. I got coconut milk, grapes, almond butter, dairy-free dressing for my carrots (sweet vidalia onion, to be exact - I haven't tried it yet), bacon, maple syrup for cooking stuff, honey, pasta, pizza crusts, a pepper, dairy-free ice cream (specifically organic So Delicious in chocolate velvet), bagels, and dairy-free chocolate chip cookies (Pamela's Chunky Chocolate Chip).

Reviews of the dairy-free products:

So Delicious in chocolate velvet B+

This ice cream was creamy and had the consistency and feel of ice cream down. The taste was interesting - when I first started eating it I wasn't that into it, I felt the chocolate wasn't sweet enough and there was a strange accompanying taste (probably that of the soymilk or ricemilk in it). But, as I ate it, I got used to it and liked it more. For dairy-free, they did a pretty good job. It's certainly something that I could get used to, and is definitely chocolatey and pretty smooth.

Pamela's Chunky Chocolate Chip Gourmet All Natural Cookies A

These cookies really impressed me. They were soft but not too soft, sweet enough but the cookie material was still good and crumbly-like, and the chocolate was about as good as dairy-free chocolate can get, I would imagine. There were also a great amount of chocolate chunks in the cookies - the ratio of chocolate to cookie was very good! (unlike many cookies that don't have enough chocolate in relation to cookie). Not only are they dairy-free, but they're wheat and gluten-free too. They were a little expensive - $3.69 or something like that for 9 cookies, but it's totally worth it in my book because the cookies are very good quality and you really only need to eat one (that's all I ate).

Also, my mom brought me some of the food that her personal chef made, including half a dozen chicken burgers, which were pretty delicious, and some vegan lasagna and vegetable chili. The vegetable chili was ok - I'm not a fan of corn in soups or of a lot of spices, but the squash and whatever else was in there (not going to lie I really have no idea what else was in it) made it good for me. I ate it with some bread, which helped with the spice. It was nice, and certainly good for me and filling, but I couldn't have a lot at a time due to the spiciness. I'm looking forward to eating the lasagna soon.

Need to go to bed soon, my mom hates it when I stay up late and she's here.

Things I can fix

I'm going to try working on a list of foods I can prepare that won't include dairy, to lift my spirits and maybe be able to go back to sleep.

Stuff that I can cook at home (and will eat)

(Yeah, I know it's limited, but I'll work on it in time....)

1. Japanese Curry (curry, carrots, potatoes, rice, chicken optional)
2. BBQ chicken
3. mashed potatoes with fake butter and soymilk (wonder how it'll taste though)
4. pasta with marinara
5. chicken with breadcrumbs
6. pork chops in the crock pot with rice
7. quinoa with squash (note: can't wait until farmer's market!!)
8. homemade pizza without cheese, add veggies if wanted
9. sweet potatoes with brown sugar/salt/sugar

more lunchy/snacky things

1. peanut butter sandwiches
2. hummus sandwiches (add cucumber slices)
3. peanuts as snacks
4. carrots as snacks ....but with what dressing now that I can't do ranch?
5. salad....what dressing??

Today at CIP I had a salad with balsamic vinaigrette, which I think is our only dairy-free dressing, besides citrus vinaigrette (which I had a reaction to once). I like it alright, but it's still not so great. I had a really hard time figuring out what to eat. I guess I could get any of my favs without the sauces and cheese but that kind of takes away the good stuff. Like, my fav the chicken wrap: I'd have to take out the cheese, aioli (I think??), and that leaves chicken, lettuce, salsa. ugh.

looks like BBQ is going to be my new favorite sauce (not that it wasn't anyway)

Stuff I can/will eat at CIP

1. fish and chips
2. st barts chicken
3. chicken sandwich without cheese (bacon is on there! bacon will be a new flavor-friend)
4. salad with balsamic
5. chicken wings
6. popcorn shrimp
7. fries, sweet potato chips, rice, broccoli, green beans

The thing about CIP that sucks though is that the cooks hate to modify anything on the menu, so the more you ask them to do (like, make me a wrap with chicken, bbq sauce, and rice, or a sandwich with chicken, avacado, and bacon....good ideas i just came up with!) they'd be like WTF I'm not doing this! So i'm really worried that I'm going to run into that, and that basically I'm going to starve at work.

I need to go back to sleep.

this is hard

this just in: this shit is hard.

I've cheated on it like every day. While I have successfully avoided cheese, I have still had sauces with dairy in them. I haven't felt 100% since I started this insanity last Thursday...I feel like it's been a really really long and arduous 5 days.

On top of all this stuff, I have to get my Curry application in in a week, which is also super stressful. And a whole bunch of other things are stressing me out right now.

positives: talked to a friend tonight who I don't get to talk to enough, and although I'm awake at this ungodly hour due to a sleep schedule screw-up, there was a fun tv show on animal planet about little people who rescue pit bulls.

I need a vacation....a vacation with no computers, no school, no jobs, and a bunch of cheese....

I cheated

I had pasta with alfredo sauce tonight. I mean, I had the sauce and I needed to do something with it. And I was so empty inside :( So I've felt better tonight after filling up on that.

What am I going to do with all the cheese in the fridge?!? I have a feeling I'm going to give in and just eat all of it before I go dairy free....

Sometime this week I plan on going to Whole Foods to pick up some....
goat cheese
nutritional yeast
tahini

and try making this recipe for vegan shells and cheese later this week.

I can't wait until the farmer's market starts again so I can get flavored goat cheese from the goat cheese guy, and better produce.

stomach??

My stomach has been more upset since I mostly gave up on the dairy. I didn't feel bad after the ravioli today, but after my chicken tenders at CIP after work I'm not feeling so great. Course, I hadn't eaten in like 11 hours.

I think part of the problem is that I'm eating more meat. I didn't eat meat but maybe 2, 3 times a week before and I've eaten it every day (and more of it) since I tried to do this. I remember when I was coming back to meat after being a vegetarian for a year, I would get incredibly sick after eating meat. Sounds like I should just go vegan doesn't it? God that would be so difficult.

I just want to stop feeling like crap. I was loopy and stupid today. Ever since I passed out, it's like I've only been about 70% here, mentally and physically.

Giving in

So I knew that it was going to take me a few weeks to completely go dairy-free, but I had been trying to go cold turkey. Today I gave in to Annie's cheesy ravioli. I needed something filling and delicious and I mean, I do need to finish off all the food I already bought.

I've actually been feeling kind of crappy since I went off the dairy (ironic) so I'm hoping this will raise my spirits.

I hate that I have to do this. I hate this.

food replacements

Last night, after a bunch of obsessing about this, I went to the grocery store to check out some products to buy to replace things that I eat now, and see what was out there. I went to Giant, which didn't really impress me that much (Everyone keeps telling me I'm going to have to go to Whole Foods). What I learned is that some of my new weapons in my food arsenal are not going to be as good as the old ones...

I needed something to replace cheese as a snack, so I got peanuts, which will still be a source of protein and fat. I like them, so that's good, but they're messy (I got them still in the shell).

I needed to replace cheese sandwiches as my quick go-to meal, so I got garlic hummus to make sandwiches with cucumber slices in the middle. Healthy right? While this was super delicious, it definitely hit a different hunger spot so I still crave cheese, but it did the best job it could. Luckily the delicious factor is pretty high, so I'll have no problem sticking with this. Problem is, I think this isn't as fatty/calorie-loaded as a cheese sandwich with marinara sauce (my usual) so when I went to my friend's house and had one drink later, it got me tipsy pretty quick.

Butter: I got "bestlife buttery spread" made with extra virgin olive oil. I made toast with it last night and I have to tell you I'm not a fan. It tastes nothing like butter, and I probably would have been better off with straight olive oil taste-wise. That's not saying it tasted bad - it just didn't taste like anything at all. I guess I'll use it in cooking or whatever, or if I make cinnamon toast that'll cover up the nothing-taste.

Lunch: I would have usually would have had something with cheese in it, a sandwich, ravioli, pizza, something like that. I had some rotisserie chicken instead with bbq sauce. While I wasn't hungry later, I was having the shakes later, which I haven't gotten in a while, which means I probably should have had something else with the chicken like bread or some kind of carb.

I really have to work on eating enough. See, I don't get hungry until it's like a really dire situation. I don't get hungry unless I miss a meal - I never get hungry for a meal. I don't know why this is. I tracked what I ate for a normal week once, and including my Mountain Dew and everything I usually ate, and it was only 1300-1500 calories a day, which is not enough. I should be eating 2200 the site said. So, I'm worried that with this new diet change I'll end up not eating enough calories.

I thought I'd been doing better at eating, but when I told all my friends tonight about the day I passed out, and I said I'd eaten a lot from the night before (including the friend who ate dinner WITH me the night before), they were like "YEAH, RIGHT" because apparently it was common knowledge to all of them that I didn't eat a lot...Kind of wish someone had told me that it concerned them and maybe then I would have made more of an effort to eat enough.

I'm going to go find something else to eat...

Please, leave me some specific suggestions for easy stuff to eat!

a new challenge

Hello everyone,
I've decide to blog about my struggles with going dairy-free. I can only hope that as I write for my own sanity, I can maybe help some others out there in the future who have to do the same thing.

While I do love animals and wish that I could say I was doing this simply not to play into factory farming anymore, that isn't the case. I wish I had that kind of willpower. In reality, I am in love with cheese, truly in love, and I don't know how we could ever break up regardless of cheese's faults.

Or so, that is, until the doctor told me I needed to.

Yesterday I went to get food allergy tests (we're thinking food allergy may be the cause of the symptoms I have, including migraines), and reacted to dairy in the tests. I was prepared for another reaction, like corn or gluten. I was thinking how I could get gluten-free stuff with my friend Emily (who needs gluten-free), or maybe even quit Mountain Dew if it were a corn allergy (Mt Dew has corn syrup in it. I've been drinking it my entire life, since I was a baby). But no, not kicking my caffeine habit for me, it's my other life-long affair with cheese that I have to battle.

I feel like I'm totally overreacting, but I really am mourning all of this. All I could think about yesterday would be the things that I love that I'd have to give up:

• milkshakes


• ice cream (especially our great ice cream at CIP, always a bonding type of food with other servers)


• cheese sandwiches (especially when I'm on the run and have nothing else)


• macaroni and cheese (which I have a strong sentimental tie to)


• scalloped potatoes (Thanksgiving and Christmas staple)


• ranch dressing (practically the only way I eat salad!! How can you be Southern and not eat RANCH!!)


• cheese fondue


• just eating straight cheese as a snack


• cheese in anything Italian


• fettucine alfredo


• toast with real butter


• milk chocolate!! kit kats, reeses, hershey's, twix, chocolate chip cookies, ugggghhh


• just about everything at my restaurant that I usually eat

that's enough...

(but seriously I don't know how to even cook without butter and cheese)

See, I know that a lot of these things can be replaced, even if not fully successfully, they can be replaced. But you have to buy them and fix them at home. The convenience and therefor social-nes of dairy is a real problem. I work at a restaurant four days a week, and that means that I'll significantly have to change what I eat when I'm there (two of those days, I have to eat there because I only have about ten minutes until I go to my next job). Then there's the going out factor - no more going out with friends for dessert, going to CIP for my birthday, sharing a milkshake, accepting cookies from friends, making desserts for others (which is something I love to do). Well, I suppose my sugar cookes are dairy-free, there is that!

The thing is I'm a pretty up-for-anything type of girl, ready to try new foods, new restaurants, hang out with a new crowd, and go with the flow as soon as someone invites me to go somwhere. If I really have to stay dairy-free, that will mean I cant just eat whatever, like I do now. It sucked enough that I couldn't eat strawberries in the last few years, but damn, now almost every dessert is out of range. Shit, that made me remember, cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory! crab wontons! ugh my food-soul is dying...

My only hope is that they're wrong. I saw the reaction on my skin, but I've been fine with eating dairy (and lots of it) forever. And the symptoms I have, I don't really see how they are related to what I eat. Right now is just going to be a trial period; I go a month without eating dairy and see what happens.

Other concerns...

Nutrition - cheese was a large source of my protein and calcium (which I don't get enough of as it is, I know) so I'm really going to have to think about what I eat. The doctor said it was possible that I could lose weight, which would be dangerous at my size, and especially since I passed out when they took my blood and couldn't get my blood pressure over 74/54 for about 10-15 minutes.

I know I'm obsessing, but this is overwhelming, so I'm going to obsess. I wish I had like a going-dairy-free partner, a supporter person like they have in AA.